The Feminine Awakening

I grew up watching teleseryes (Philippine TV series with dramatic plots) where the main girl character is always simple, clumsy, tomboyish, and overly independent but is always sought by famous and rich guys; always appreciated by children and the elderly; while rich, classy, and educated girls are always rejected—or maybe they're just mean, lol. So, I was infiltrated by that mindset! To be appreciated and loved, I have to be simple, loud, and absurdly caring. I became one of the boys, forced myself to believe that girlfriends are much more complicated than having male friends, was disgusted by girly dresses, and created an ick towards make-up and self-care products. I even declined affection and support from guys I used to date because "I HAVE TO BE SIMPLE AND INDEPENDENT!" to be mainstream attractive.

However, as I matured, I fully understood that what I was doing was all pretense. It was to seek validation and expectations from people to see the beauty in my "simplicity," but I have always wanted to wear dresses, learn make-up, wear heels, take care of my skin, and do a bunch of girly stuff. I was just afraid that people would find me vain, and that would make me less approachable—or likable.

I eventually stopped feigning my interests—I focused on what I really wanted. I do not really have a say now when people are raising eyebrows about my "unpractical expenses." I let myself crave flowers, chocolates, spa experiences, and gifts as a form of affection.

and yes! I am a girl—sorry, a woman—who loves pink and sparkly things! No sooner had I realized this than it made me the happiest and realest.